It was late August when I received the first e-mail from my beloved Anita! In case you haven’t looked at the posts, long story short, she is the daughter of someone really rich and really famous that died and left her with all the wealth of the world! Unfortunately, she was imprisoned in a refugee camp but apparently she found me and I was the only one that could save her…!
In these two blog posts (post 1; post 2), I shared with you my personal correspondence with her. How I decided to get her out of this god-forsaken refugee camp with the help of my father and his friends (but mostly his one good friend Chuck)…
After my last message, she sent nothing so I thought I was done with her. As it turns out, she has some more tricks up her sleeve. As I do too..Here’s her message from a week ago… I took the liberty of highlighting some interesting points for you.
After carefully considering my answer, here’s what I came up with… (had to adapt – or should I say abuse – my english to communicate more efficiently my love and passion but also frustration to her.
from your friend Nikos Fikos,
I am really surprised to hear from you. I read the lines with a bitter sweet melancholy, and a sense of a knife cutting through my internal organs, ripping my heart out of my chest. It’s been already 5 months since our last communication and I have to say I almost gave up hope. Almost.
Anyhow, I wanted to share with you the news from the extraction operation I organized for you. The extraction ops went well but we were not able to locate you!
Not finding you, I thought of the worst! I have to say that I blamed myself for loving you in the beginning and I blamed me for your cruel fate. Below you may see a panoramic photo I took with my phone of your refugee camp, hence the vertical lines (stupid phone!).
In the next photo, you may see myself and the other comrades, getting ready to attack. As I said, most of them were KFC (Kenyan Force Commandos).
Long story short, we stormed the village, took some hostages, broke some vases that were in the way (really nice pottery made by locals) but were not able to find you my love. In the next photo you can see my friends from KFC. From left to right, please meet, Tower Burger, Boxmaster, Twister and Hot Bucket (these are codenames of course, I was Sweet Corn). My friend Chuck is also in the photo, on the right, behind the trees, in a camouflage suit (that’s why you can’t see him).
I was devastated not to find you and my desparation grew when the bill came for the fuels of the tank you see in the previous photo. It was a rental from Budget (the irony of the name) and apparently it run on something like 100 gallons a mile or so… Anyhow, I sorted this out as I had my credit card with me. So, hearing for the 300.000 dollars, I am really relieved as I will be able to pay off the 120 installments I divided the gas for the tank into.
Money aside, I don’t know how I feel for you having a husband. I thought our love was eternal as eternal goes. It was not. You tricked me into invading another country and starting a small war. Most importantly you tricked the KFCs into doing things that still haunt them at nights. I am not sure I want your money anymore, or your love for that matter…
In any case, please have this sir contact me to provide all the information they need.
With a broken heart, best regards and glimpse hopes,
Nikos Fikos Apikos
So, another time, I am waiting patiently for her reply…